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Ingredients: Cocktail sticks Lighter/Matches Tequila x 1 Gin x 1 Grenadine x 2 Cider Instructions: Mix the Tequila, Gin and Grenadine in a pint glass (half pint if you can’t hack it) and top it up with the cider. It should be pink like a flamingo. Stick a cocktail stick in your head. Hold it [...]
Chorus: Has anybody seen JC JC, JC, JC, JC. Not since Easter Monday, Riding on a Donkey. Has anybody seen JC JC, JC, JC, JC Virgin born, head of thorn Resurrects the dead at dawn That JC, he’s devine Changes water into wine. Virgin Mary, She’s the most She’s been fuck by the Hole Ghost [...]
On the first day of Christmas My true love gave to me A hand job that wasn’t worth a fuck… worth a fuck! Second day – two shit house doors Third day – three French whores Fourth day – four calling girls Fifth day – five pubic hairs (in my teeth, ptwh) Sixth day – [...]
Would you like to sit on my face? It’s a very wonderful place Wrap your piss flaps right round my nose Or would you rather suck my hose? My hose is an animal it lives in my pants Gets between your tits given half a chance In your gob or your shitter too Or any [...]
I was walking down the street Knocking every door Goddamn son-of-a-bitch I couldn’t find a whore I finally found a whore She was tall and thin Goddamn son-of-a-bitch I couldn’t get it in I finally got it in Stirred it all about Goddamn son-of-a-bitch I couldn’t get it out I finally got it out It [...]
Ingredients: Stella x pint Whiskey x 1 Instructions: Fill Shot glass with malt whisky. Then place it inside a pint glass and slowly fill the mug with Stella without disturbing the whisky.
Ingredients: 1 oz Jagermeister 1 pint(s) Guinness Beer Instructions: Pour the Guinness into a pint glass on top of the Jager and watch them separate.
AKA “The Tequila Stuntman”, “Manly Man”, “Iron Man”, “Tough Guy” First done by Andy ‘Roadblock’ Davidson in Courchevel France 1998 as a punishment for not being able to stick a cocktail stick in his head. (see the flaming flamingo) Ingredients: Tequila x 1 Salt Lemon/Lime slices Straw/Rolled up fifty pound note. (a fiver will do) [...]
Ingredients: Blue WKD x 1 Port x 1 Brandy x 1 Instructions: Fill a pint glass with the WKD and top it up with port and brandy.
Ingredients: Guinness x 1 Pint One Egg (the bigger the better… goose eggs are really nasty) Instructions: Crack the egg into the pint of Guinness and get some donkey to down it.
Ingredients: Vodka x 2 Blue WKD x 1 Cider (Stowford Press) Instructions: Drop the double vodka in a pint glass, pour in the bottle of blue WKD and top it up with cider to turn it bright green.
AKA “The Cement Mixer” Ingredients: Baileys x 2 Lime Cordial Diluted. Instructions: Pour a double Bailey’s in your mouth and swill it around, DO NOT SWALLOW. (If you are worried about someone swallowing them hold their nose while they do it.) Swig a mouthful of the lime squash and gargle. The two drinks clot immediately [...]
Ingredients: Cider (Stowford Press) Tequila x 2 Shots Gin x 2 Shots Instructions: Stick it all in a pint glass and ‘enjoy’.
Ingredients: Blackcurrant squash 1/3 part Lager (Stella) 2/3 part Cider (Stowford Press) Instructions: 2cm blackcurrent, half cider, the rest stella. Drink it quick cos it don’t get any better it you leave it.
Ingredients: 1/2 a Pint of Stella 1 x bottle of Smirnoff Ice Instructions: Mix the two in a pint glass and down. For men who like girls drinks.
There’s a man sitting in the front row at the Rugby World Cup Finals, but amazingly, there’s an empty seat beside him. Another man spots it, goes up to him and says: “Do you mind if I sit here?” “No, not at all,” replies the first man. “It’s my wife’s seat, but she died recently..” [...]
Rugby Player: “I’ve just been playing Rugby and after the game I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt.” Doctor: “You’ve broken your finger.”
Rugby player: “Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror – I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” Doctor: “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”
The club president, coach, a prop and a winger are taking a charter flight to the Six Nations Finals when the engines cut out. The pilot enters the passenger compartment and says, “We’re going down. There’s only four parachutes! Since I’m the pilot I’m taking one,” and then jumps from the plane. The coach says, [...]
I love my girl, I love her best I love her more than all the rest I’ll fuck her sitting, I’ll fuck her lying, If she were a bird, I’d fuck her flying And when she’s dead, she won’t be forgotten I’ll dig her up and fuck her rotten.
Sugar in the bowl. Coffee in the Cup. Poke her in the butt, and you won’t knock her up!
I like the girls who do, I admire the girls who don’t, I hate the girls who say they will, But when the time comes they won’t. But the girls I like the best of all, And I think you’ll say I’m right, Are the ones who say they never will— But just for me [...]
Mary had a little bike, She rode it back to front, And every time the pedal came up, It hit her in the …… Don’t be mistaken, don’t be misled, Every time the pedal came up It hit her in the head.
The boy stood on the burning deck, The deck was made of glass, The boy slipped on the burning deck And landed on his…. Don’t be mistaken, don’t be misled, The boy slipped on the burning deck And landed on his head.
If I had a dog that could piss this stuff And I was sure that dog could piss enough I’d tie his head to the foot of my bed And such his dick ’til we both dropped dead.
Here’s to the top And here’s to the middle Let’s hope tonight We all get a little.
Here’s to me in my sober mood, When I ramble, sit, and think. Here’s to me in my drunken mood, When I gamble, sin, and drink. And when my days are over, And from this world I pass, I hope they bury me upside down, So the world can kiss my ass!