Snow White returned to the cottage to find it had burned down. Distraught, she searches for the dwarfs in the forest and hears a lone voice chanting, “Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup, Wales for the World Cup.” On hearing this, Snow White gave a little sigh of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe.
Category: Jokes
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt.
The boy however confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone.
Then in an unprecedented move, the judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him.
In a final ruling yesterday, custody was granted to Scotland Rugby Club as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.
In 1983 three kids were playing in the street in Cardiff when they were hit by a bus. They all go to heaven and God says to them, “You weren’t supposed to die, you were all supposed to live out your lives. This was not your time. To make it up to you I’ll let you choose what you want to do with your life. Take a running jump off of that cloud over there and as you’re flying back down to Earth shout out what you want to do. And so it shall be.”
The 1st kid takes a running leap and shouts, “Lawyer” and so, 20 years later he is a very successful lawyer making lots of money with an upcoming appointment to the Bench.
The 2nd kid takes his turn and shouts, “Brain surgeon” and so, 20 years later he is the most admired man in his field of medicine and making a ton of money saving lives.
The 3rd kid goes to take his turn, and as he runs he trips over his own feet and stumbles of the cloud muttering, “Stupid clumsy arsehole.” 20 years later he’s playing scrum half for Wales.
On a tour of Wales, the Pope took a couple of days off his Itinerary to visit the West coast near Aberystwyth on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing an English Rugby jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Welsh Rugby Shirts roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark’s ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Wales and England, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow.
“He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust. As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, “Who was that???!”
“That,” one answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” the harpoonist replied, “he knows nowt about shark hunting.
How’s that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?”
A rugby player from Cardiff is having a quiet drink in a Sydney Bar. He leans over to the big guy next to him and says, “Do you wanna hear an Aussie joke?”. The big guy replies, “Well mate, before you tell that joke you should know something: I’m six feet tall, 105kgs and I’m a Wallaby forward. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 115kgs and he’s an ex-Wallaby. Next to him is a bloke who’s 6’5″ weighs 120kgs and he’s a current Wallaby second-rower. Now, do you still want to tell that Aussie joke?”.
The Welshman says, “Nah….. not if I’m going to have to explain it three times”.
Three rugby players are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children. One is a Welshman, one English and the other a West Indian.
They are all very nervous and pacing the floor – as you do in these situations. All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying, “Gentlemen you won’t believe this but your wives have all had their babies within 5 minutes of each other.” The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy. “And”, said the doctor, “They have all had little boys.” The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over. “However we do have one slight problem,” the doctor said.
“In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help identify them.”
With that the Welshman raced past the doctor and bolted to the nursery. Once inside he picked up a black infant with dreadlocks saying, “There’s no doubt about it, this boy is mine!” The doctor looked bewildered and said, “Well sir of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of West Indian descent.”
“Maybe”, said the Welshman, “but one of the other two is English and I’m not taking the risk.”
Once, a long time ago, there was a Wallaby tour of New Zealand. During their stay in Wellington, one of the players had a fairly torrid affair with a local lass. The team moved on, the girl stayed behind, and the whole thing was eventually forgotten about.
Four years later, the same player returns back to NZ with another Wallaby touring side. They are in Wellington, and who should he see walking down the street but his lover with a small child! He runs up to her and greets her, and asks if the child is his. “Yes”, she says, “it is.”. “But why didn’t you tell me?” he asked plaintively. “Well” she said, “after I found out I was pregnant, I invited all the members of my family together for a discussion on the matter – my grandparents, my parents, my uncles, aunts and cousins. And we all came to the same conclusion: we would rather that it was a bastard than have a Wallaby for a father”.
A rugby referee died and went to heaven. Stopped by St Peter at the gates he was told that only brave people who had performed heroic deeds and had the courage of their convictions could enter. If the ref could describe a situation in his life where he had shown these characteristics, he would be allowed in.
“Well,” said the ref, “I was reffing a game between Northern Transvaal and Natal at Loftus Versveld. Northerns were 2 points ahead, 1 minute to go. The Natal wing made a break, passed inside to his lock. The lock was driven on by his forwards, passed out to the flanker who ducked blind and went over in the corner. However, the flanker dropped the ball before he could ground it, and as Natal were clearly the better side all game, I ruled that he had dropped the ball down, not forward, and awarded the try.”
“OK, that was fairly brave of you, but I will have to check it in the book.” says Peter, and disappears to look it up. When he comes back he says “Sorry, there is no record of this. Can you help me to trace it? When did all this happen?”
The ref looked at his watch and replied “45 seconds ago.”
Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in an Welsh rugby jersey? The police had to dress him up in women’s underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.
Q. How do you get four backs on a bar stool?
A. Turn it upside down.
Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, “Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered.” The second surgeon says, “Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” Third surgeon says, “Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded.” The fourth one says, “I prefer French rugby players. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable.”
Q. What do you have when 100 Scottish rugby fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Little Brucie was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up;-
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician; Brucie was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let them shag him.”
The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Brucie aside.
She asked him, “Is that really true about your father?”
“No,” said Brucie, “My father plays rugby for Australia, but I was just too embarrassed to say”.
The Welsh rugby practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
The head coach immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, investigating forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the try line. Practice was resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
The South Africans were flying to a tour when their plane lost an engine. The pilot came over the loudspeakers and informed everyone, but insisted that this was alright as they had another and it was more than capable of reaching their destination. As soon as he finished on the microphone the second engine blew and he came back on informing everyone that it was time to make their peace.
The South African captain then led his team and others on the plane in prayer. The plane crashed and they all went to heaven.
As it happened, this was the day before the annual Heaven versus Hell Rugby match (as those who have played subbies know, ours is also the game they play in hell).
God saw his opportunity and called the Devil.
G: I was thinking about tomorrow’s game and thought of increasing the normal stakes.
D: Sure thing, I’m a betting man!
G: OK, how about we double the bet to 200 souls?
D: Look, I don’t mind that, but I’m happy to make it a thousand.
G: Good stuff, one thousand souls it is.
D: Deal
God sniggered slightly down the ‘phone line, which make the Devil’s ears prick up
D: You’re up to something, I can tell, what is it?
G: I might be up to something, but you’ll find out tomorrow.
D: Look, our bets made and you know I won’t back out of it, tell me
G: OK, I have the entire Springbok side
D: That’s alright, did you forget that I still have all the referees!
