Here’s to a temperance supper,
With water in glasses tall,
And coffee and tea to end with–
And me not there at all!
Category: Toasts
Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold pint– and another one!
My friends are the best friends
Loyal, willing and able.
Now let’s get to drinking!
All glasses off the table!
It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow
than to spend tonight like there’s no money!
Like the bird with one wing who just can’t fly,
I need more than one drink before i say goodbye.
Saint Patrick was a gentleman,
Who through strategy and stealth,
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Here’s a toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see all those snakes again!
We call upon XXXXXX to sing us a song,
So sing, sing, or show us your ring,
We’ve seen your ring, it’s a terrible thing,
So sing you bastard sing!
Here’s to the breezes that blow through the treeses
That lifts the girls’ chemises above their kneeses
To show us what pleases, and teases, and squeezes
And gives us venereal diseases, By Jesus!
(Sung to the tune of “Zulu Warrior”)
Get it down you Zulu Warrior,
Get it down you Zulu Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief!
Olé zooma zooma zooma
Olé zooma zooma chief
Why was he born so beautiful?
Why was he born at all?
He’s no fucking use to anyone
He’s no fucking use at all
He ought to be properly shat on
He ought to be properly shot
He ought to be tied to a West Country shithouse
And left there to bloody well rot rot rot
Get it down you Zulu Warrior
Get down you Zulu Chief! Chief! Chief! Chief!… (repeat)
Here’s to the cut that never heals,
The longer you rub it the better it feels.
And all the soap this side of hell,
Can’t wash away that fishy smell.
